That is your closure.
So often in life, we look for more answers, or a more in-depth explanation when all the information we need is already right in front of us. We just don’t like what we see.
Our need for more information often ends up leaving us frustrated and empty instead of giving us the feeling of closure we were seeking.
When a person doesn’t have the respect to have a conversation or two in order to end a relationship and they just disappear, that in itself should be all the information you need. And before you take this personally by thinking their disappearing act is about you or because of something you did, know that is not the case. Not even a little bit. The fact is, they didn’t respect themselves enough to stand confidently and have a conversation with you to talk things out. or be honest about how they were feeling in the relationship.
Stop thinking it’s about you, or that if you could just talk to them everything will be fine.
Understand this is about them and their ability (or lack of ability) to take responsibility for their own life or their actions. Although it hurts for someone to simply walk away with no explanation, have confidence this behavior has very little to do with you. Sure you were one-half of the relationship so it feels like it’s about you and the relationship ending probably was for reasons you both contributed to. But we reveal more about ourselves than we realize we do by our actions. The person who ghosted you was telling you they are incapable of having an honest conversation about what isn’t working in the relationship – knowing this information about them is your closure.
Or, the person had something to hide and was close to getting caught so they disappeared. Either way, that is closure.
You were in a relationship with someone who was not in the relationship with you at the same level of honesty and integrity as you were. You know that clearly now by their actions, you might have even felt it during the relationship but ignored it. You shouldn’t need more than that for closure.
Perhaps you really want a conversation with them because you have convinced yourself that you’re the magic person who can say the magic thing to say to get them to stay. You can make everything better if you could just talk to them.
For your mental health and wellbeing, you don’t want a person like this to stay and you especially don’t want to allow yourself to believe them leaving like this is on you. It is not.
Turn to the Universe or whoever you see as your higher power and say, “Thank you for protecting me from whatever you’re protecting me from.” Know you deserve to be treated better. Then do the work to process the relationship.
Time does not heal anything and just knowing the person you were with lacks integrity, respect and honesty are not enough to heal your hurt. What will heal you is processing the situation. Processing the relationship.
What do I mean by processing it?
Learn the lesson, find the gift, and/or seek forgiveness. There is a lesson, gift, or skill for us to gain in all the things we see as failure. Pinpointing what that is will take the hurt away and ensure there isn’t a long-term negative impact as a result of the failed event or failed relationship.
Off the top of my head, a gift is you escaped being in a relationship with someone who probably wasn’t being honest with you and wasn’t giving you the true version of who they are.
Let’s talk about the forgiveness aspect of this for a moment. Sometimes we see the red flags and we ignore them, sometimes people warn us and we ignore them. In that process, we can hurt others, or we can disappoint ourselves. This is where forgiveness comes in. Learn to forgive yourself. Learn to forgive the younger and sometimes stupider you. Don’t judge yourself and beat yourself up. Learn to forgive yourself.
Learn to forgive the person who ghosted you too. Nothing good comes from holding onto anger, resentment, or carrying baggage into your next relationship. Remember forgiveness doesn’t mean they get away with what they did, It just means you are letting go of the hold this will have on you if you don’t let it go. Forgiveness is for your freedom and your peace of mind, not theirs.